Baby K Feb 2018
Baby K July 2018
This post is a hard one that I have been putting off for this
long because it was a big hurt that took time to heal. Its still a
little tender but God is good and I Praise Him.
We were blessed to run along side this boy (our boy)
for 5 months. He was a Joy. This was the first time I
had a baby bond so quickly and fully to me. When we
got baby K we were told he is going to be adopted so he
may be with us a while and that was fine with us. We did
all the court visits as mom was given chances to change her
mind, after the first court visit mom stopped coming. We
would still go, make an appearance, then be excused
until the next court date ( CPFSA was doing all
the needed work between dates to get rights terminated
so he could be placed with his forever family.)
The end of May was the termination hearing. They wanted
to move him into a long term home at that time (as we
are just a short term place of safety), but my momma heart
said no, and I fought to keep him. They let us.... fast forward to July.
I keep checking in with CPFSA (didn't know if
I should make travel plans as usual or not if we
would still have Baby K with us) and they are telling
me it will be probably 3-4 months for him to be placed with his
forever family, so we let them know we are willing to keep him
until he is placed. But then we learn the mom is dragging her feet,
she doesn't want to sign off on the papers to terminate rights.
Come to find out, after
the monthly placement meeting in July, That the bio mom has
changed her mind and wants him back. CPFSA then gives her a year (so
from now until the summer of 2019)
to find a place to live and get a job so she can care for him. Visitaion
would start this fall to help with the bonding.
Then they turn to us. They are willing to let us keep him, but it will be another
year.... I wasn't ready for that. I didn't expect ever getting a choice.
Every time before we would get
a call and get a baby, we get another call the baby goes.
My mommas heart was crying out YES! keep him, protect him
love him, don't let him go to another children's home.
But then God spoke up reminding me "you can't pour out of
an empty vessel" and I knew thats where I was at. I had been feeling
guilty about the 'leftovers' Neiah had been getting that summer because
there was a lot going on and a lot of back and forth with Baby K's situation.
I had to think of her and how another year loving on Baby K would effect
her and him. Would he be able to bond fully to his bio mom if he was already
bonded to Neiah and I? How would it effect Neiah (and me) to have him for
15 months then have to let him go.... what if after the year the bio mom still
didn't have her things together and we were back at square one him being
put in a long term home... What if.....
Then I opened up and read in Samuel and it specifically talked
about David staying at En Gedi and how Saul was chasing him, but
David stood firm that he would not kill Saul because God
had placed him in authority, and David respected that authority.
What that spoke to me is I am David at En Gedi, CPFSA is
the authority. They see the big picture in these situations
with the babies and families, they know things I do not.
I need to respect that and not try to fight them for what
I think is best for the child, when I can't see the big picture.
So after a lot of tears and a hard goodbye, Baby K was
taken and placed in a different home, so he can start
visiting and bonding with his bio mom.
I am so thankful for a great big God who loves our Baby K
so much more then Neiah and I. I am so thankful that I
can turn to him and He can grant me the peace and healing/calm
that only He can. He knows, He understands. This is the first
time things have gone this way and it was hard, BUT I know all
the babies placed with us will not be "ideal' situations, and that we
must Trust God even in the hard, even when we want to muscle it
on our own and do what we think is best. God is Good. Always.
The End.
Prayers appreciated for Baby K and his bio mom as they start
visitation this Sept. Prayers appreciated for Neiah and I as we
get ready (after a much needed break) to head home and take
in any others that Jesus needs us to love and run along side.
Thanks.
